Lessons Learned: Liana Farnham

Here are some lessons learned as an agent, promoter and artist development executive:  

Know a bail-bonds person in every state.

Never put up snipes in the wind.

Never admit to know how to turn comp tickets back into a ticketing system for re-sale to the general public.

Make sure you cannot see through the Wite-Out on the contract that you just faxed back to an agent.

Make sure the house playback system accommodates stereo, not just mono, before Bruce Springsteen shows up.

Everybody’s a VIP to somebody.

Know that, according the humane association, a live camel cannot endure the rake in the steps at Webster Hall, and therefore cannot appear on stage with Nas.

Know how Michael Belkin got his nickname, "Peaches."

Don’t believe the outside Art Director when they say they have cleared the image defaming Hinduism.

A dry backstage really means a DRY backstage.

When presenting upcoming music to label executives do not use a puppet show as your medium. (N.B., do not make a Don Ienner puppet.)

If you need a laminate, you need to be willing to load gear.

"________________" doesn’t fly coach.

If you call your tour Tourzilla, and put a lizard in your AdMat, you will get a C&D.

If you produce a free System Of A Down show outdoors in Los Angeles, make sure you have the right insurance.

Do not ask Bob Dylan to do a Meet and Greet.

Make sure Peter Mensch has an All Access pass.

If the sum of your hair, make-up and styling is greater than the cost of a private plane, we may need to reevaluate the budget.

It’s good to know the promoter in the same city where your boss’ kid(s) go to school.

Maybe you should ask someone before you "borrow" John Mayer’s helicopter to run and have dinner with Jodi Goodman.

Try not to tell everyone how you failed the typing test at ICM when you were 20 years old and cried in front of Phil Ernst.

Before asking for free tickets, ask yourself, "Would I go into the market and ask for free milk?"

You don’t have to ask me for free CDs; you can actually buy them.

Remember what Dave Williams taught you.

Remember that the business of Artist Development is just that – the business of actually developing and working closely with artists who, generally speaking, are real people with their own very real anxieties, as well as hopes and dreams that they entrust to you.

Never marry an agent.