Roadie For A Day

The Times of London recently published a roadie’s tale of the insight he gained working for Morrissey – for one day.

Whether it’s true, exaggerated or sour grapes, it’s an amusing yarn. The Times article is filled with details and it is those that make the story compelling.

Andrew Winters, a longtime fan who attended Moz’s solo New York debut in 1991 and caught the first concert The Smiths played outside of Manchester at the Rock Garden in London in 1983, wrote in the Times that he jumped at the chance to be Morrissey’s assistant road manager for a two-month trek across America last fall.

After receiving the job offer in an initial phone call he was e-mailed a list of application questions. Following the normal questions such as his recent tour management experience and how much he expected to earn, Winters said he was asked if he smoked, if he was married and to provide a picture of himself.

Also, naturally, if he wanted to work for the former frontman of the band whose second album is titled Meat is Murder, he was asked if he was a vegetarian or would he be willing to act as one for the length of the tour, according to the Times.

Winters said he chose a picture of himself with his fiancée’s cat rather than his VIP pass from the Madison Square Garden gig. A good choice because he later learned that the application of anyone resembling a diehard fan of the man or his music was promptly ripped to shreds.

Next up was Winters’ interview at a pub in Suffolk, England, with Morrissey’s road manager, who informed him that it’s really an excuse to check out Winters’ choice of clothing and general demeanor.

"Anything resembling archetypal road crew apparel, such as turning up with a baseball cap reversed on my head or a cap-sleeve T-shirt emblazoned with the words ‘Saxon – World Tour 1987,’" Winters wrote, would be automatically ruled out.

Winters is told if he is accepted for the job it will be the most unusual one he has ever experienced. He is reminded that the one overriding rule is the vegetarian one – when working for Moz, do as Moz does. That means no burgers from room service, no ham on salads … no dreaming about a steak – you get the point.

He must have chosen the right ensemble for the interview, despite asking what the view is on eating fish, because he’s hired and will fly out to L.A. for the tour in a week.

Winters says in the Times memoir he is responsible for the musicians – getting the musicians to the venue on time, making sure the band is wearing their "sound-check suits" as well as dry cleaning and steam-pressing the suits before each show, ironing shirts and cleaning their shoes.

The list goes on, including the duty of spraying a fragrance spray between the front row and front of the house. Winters is informed that he will be provided with a fragrance of the day "if required."

After flying to the U.S. – with a preordered vegan meal of course – Winters arrives and soon after begins to tackle his assistant road manager duties by accompanying one of the band members while he takes care of some business.

The band member reportedly says that Morrissey asks everyone to tell the first record they ever bought. Winters decides to be honest and reveals that it was "Rocket Man" by Elton John.

"F*** me, Andrew," the band member reportedly says. "Don’t tell Moz that, you’ll be right out the door. T. Rex is always good."

The band member turns on L.A. radio station Indie 103.1 and asks Winters if he has ever heard the station’s show by Sex Pistol Steve Jones. Winters says yes but that he also likes to listen to Henry Rollins, whose "Harmony in my Head" show is on the same station.

The band member responds with a frown and then silence and Winters wonders if he has said something else wrong, but forgets it.

Later that evening the band and crew were summoned to a local bar, a well-known Morrissey hangout, Winters writes.

"Be careful, Andrew," someone warns him. "Moz hates people who are boring … but then, he also hates people being too pushy around him. Establishing common ground quickly is important."

An hour later Winters shares his first and only exchange of words with Morrissey. Moz asks his bandmate how his day was, who responds that it was a bit boring, "but it was good to have Andrew around as company."

Morrissey looks at him with a slight smirk and shakes Winters’ hand, saying, "Don’t worry, Andrew, it can only get better than this."

According to Winters, everyone starts drinking and then one of the musicians knocks back a pint to a chorus of "Down in one, down in one, down in one" while Morrissey adds flamenco claps and skips in front of his employee. The process is repeated after Moz requests another pint for the same musician.

The group moves to another location but Winters, unsure if he’s even invited to come along, heads back to the hotel with a band member whom he’s been tasked to keep an eye on and is feeling a bit jet-lagged.

The next day – the second day of rehearsal – Winters wakes up to find a text from the road manager: "Please chck ur e-mail."

He does. The e-mail, as Winters relates to the Times, reads "Morning, Andrew, I’m sorry to say I have been instructed to arrange travel back to the U.K. for you today. Your flight details are below."

Shocked, Winters asks the road manager for a hint of an explanation.

He reportedly tells the now-former employee, "It’s nothing to do with you, really. It could have been the shirt you were wearing, your haircut, anything. Please don’t take it personally. This happens."

Winters wonders if maybe news of his first record purchase found its way back to Morrissey as an Internet search reveals that Moz has apparently given a speech along the lines of "bring me the head of Elton John" when performing his song, "The World is Full of Crashing Bores."

Maybe it was reference to Henry Rollins? Winters, desperate for an answer, Googles "Morrissey" and "Henry Rollins" and says he finds that Moz once attended a Rollins show and sat in the audience shouting "F*** You" at the punk icon/spoken word artist.

Winters’ last contact with the Morrissey crew is Moz’s PA. He asks her for a clue into his firing and she e-mails him back, writing, "Well, I’m none the wiser! Safe journey home and good luck."

Winters wraps his Times story with the image of sitting in an airplane seat, telling the same flight attendant that this time, instead of the vegan meal, it’s time for some beef.