John Stamos Has A List Of Demands For Riot Fest Appearance

A running bit for years at Riot Fest has been some good-natured harassment of actor John Stamos — who frequently performs with the Beach Boys — in an effort at goading him into performing at the Chicago festival.

Stamos, apparently, has acquiesced for the 2025 edition, set for Sept. 19-21 at Douglass Park, but he has a very specific list of demands.

“Riot Fest was recently informed by Mr. John Stamos (actor, musician, icon, legend, etc.) that after over a decade of social media harassment from Riot Fest, he will finally break the curse and has tentatively/begrudgingly agreed to attend Riot Fest on September 20, 2025 in his official capacity as drummer of the band The Beach Boys,” the festival posted on its web site.

The demands are:

1. Riot Mike (founder of Riot Fest) must get a John Stamos tattoo.
2. A John Stamos look-alike contest must be hosted by Riot Fest. 
3. A local Chicago pizza restaurant must create a Greek-style pizza named after and in honor of John Stamos. 
4. John Stamos’ green room must be stocked with these items:

– A body pillow of John Stamos
– A nude painting of Bea Arthur
– Unlimited hummus served in a Gibson guitar case

5. The Riot Fest Twitter Person must give John Stamos a foot rub. 
6. A special John Stamos Riot Fest t-shirt must be designed and approved by John Stamos.
7. No one is allowed to make eye contact with John Stamos’ hair.
8. Whenever John Stamos says “Riot Fest,” he is allowed to say “Riot Fart.”
9. John Stamos masks must be printed out for the crowd to wear.

Riot Fest says it “will make every effort to complete this list of demands.”