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Tours de Farce: The Dating Game
“Hello?”
“Fran? This is Ted.”
“Ted! I was just thinking about you. How are you? How’s you’re new job in the big city?”
“Just fine, Fran. In fact, that’s why I called. The boss is sending me on a sales trip to the old home town, and I was wondering if you’d care to get together and see a concert, maybe Santana or 3 Doors Down.”
“Get together? That sounds great, Ted. I’ll cook dinner for us.”
“Cook dinner? Well, there probably won’t be any time for dinner. But I can pick you up at about seven, seven-thirty and we can go right to the show. Now, who would you like to see? I heard that there’s still a few tickets left for Tim McGraw.”
“Not enough time? Then, we can order take-out and cuddle in front of the fireplace while we read each other’s fortune cookie. You know, Ted, I always loved the way you handled your chopsticks.”
“No can do, Fran. After I see my last client I’ll just have enough time to run over to your side of town, pick you up and head out for the show. Speaking of which, who do you want to see? Mike Watt and The Secondmen? Or maybe Rusted Root or Sister Hazel?”
“And I know just what I’m going to wear, Ted. Just wait until you see what I bought at Victoria’s Secret. It’s downright sinful.”
“Uh, uh. Sinful. Right. So, Fran, who would you like to see? Hey, I got an idea! The box office manager at the sports arena is an old high school football buddy of mine. He might be able to get us in to see Pearl Jam. How does that sound?”
“And I bought this dress that positively defies gravity. In fact, it looks as if could fall off at any moment. Just two tiny pieces of duct tape holds it all together.”
“So, how about it, Fran? Would you like to see Lollapalooza? Or perhaps Mark Knopfler or Fleetwood Mac?”
“Well… I don’t know, Ted. Tell you what. Since you only have a few hours, let’s make the most of it. Let’s skip the concert and spend the night at my place giving each other long sensuous backrubs.”
“Skip the concert? Backrubs?”
“Well, we can start off with backrubs, Ted. You know, just until the hotub is ready. Bubbles make me feel sooo devilish”
“Er… Skip the concert?”
“And since you don’t have time for dinner, we can have breakfast the next morning. Do you want me to wake you with a phone call? Or a nudge?”
“Er, I don’t know, Fran. I think my boss is paging me. I might not be able to make it after all.”
“But, Ted.”
“Gotta go, Fran. I’ll… I’ll call you later.”
“Ted!”
“Bye, Fran.”
Click!
“Sheesh! Hmmm… Let’s see. Gwen… Holly… Isabella… Jacquelyn…”