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Tours de Farce: Grand Old Party Animals
“Coming right up. Say, aren’t you Paul O’Neill, the Treasury Secretary that was axed by the Bush Administration last week?”
“That’s me.”
“That had to be a thankless job, what with the economy and all.”
“It was no piece of cake, that’s for sure. But it had its good moments as well.”
“Such as?”
“Being able to go down to the U.S. Mint and roll around in the money naked was definitely a perk. And hanging with Bono certainly boosted my profile among generations X and Y. But what I think I’ll miss most of all are all the parties.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. Everyone says that the Republicans really know how to rock.”
“That’s for sure. For instance, every Monday night, Jeb, the President’s brother, stops by with a stack of Chubby Checker 45s and his Close N’ Play. Boy, can he mix.”
“I’ve heard he can scratch with the best of them.”
“You heard right, but that’s just for starters. On Tuesdays the action is always in Andrew Card’s office, where it’s non-stop guitar gods pumping out of the CD player, like Santana and Joe Satriani. The White House Chief of Staff plays one mean air-guitar, the best the West Wing has seen since Dan Quayle in ’88.”
“I know what you mean. Andrew was in here last week for open-mike night doing his Chuck Berry imitation.”
“Yeah, he’s a pistol, he is. Everybody calls him Andy Be Good. But that’s nothing compared to Condoleeza Rice’s Cher imitation on White House Karaoke Wednesdays. Boy, can she nail ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.’ Sometimes the President joins her for a duet on ‘I’ve Got You Babe’ that’s downright scary.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Don’t let anyone tell you the Bush II Administration is a bunch of old fogies held over from Bush I. They work hard and they play hard.”
“Sounds like a bunch of grade-A party animals.”
“That’s for sure. And you should see that sound system the President has in the Oval Office. Three Dog Night and The Allman Brothers Band never sounded so good.”
“Sounds like you’re going to miss those days.”
“Oh, for sure. But there’s one thing I’m not going to miss about being Secretary of the Treasury.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“Why, signing all those one dollar bills, of course.”
“That does sound like a pain.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Oh, by the way, will this be cash or charge?”
“Cash. But would you mind reaching into my pocket? The cast kind of gets in the way. I mean, talk about your Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.”