“Hi, Dennis. This is Fred in Lickin’ Stick, Louisiana. Who do you want to see in this year’s Super Bowl?”

“That’s a good one, Fred. You know, the media has been giving Paul McCartney the most press, all because he’s going to sing ‘Freedom’ during the pre-game show. But I’m looking forward to seeing Mary J. Blige, myself.”

“Do you think President Bush should go to the Super Bowl this year? You know, what with security and all?”

“The Prez will be fine as long as they keep Mariah Carey on a short leash. What worries me is Marc Anthony.”

“Really? Why’s that, Dennis?”

“Because he and Cleopatra used to be an item, and believe me, I know a thing or two about ladies who hang with snakes.”

“Uh?”

“Read your history, dude! Marc Anthony was this friend of Little Caesar’s, you know, that cat that runs the casino and pizza parlor in Vegas? And he had an affair with Cleopatra, ruler of the Nile. But he got tired of her because all she ever wanted to do was play grab-asp.”

“But what’s that got to do with the Super Bowl?”

“Good question, Fred. An even better one would be; ‘What doesn’t it have to do with the Super Bowl?’ And the answer would be ‘everything!'”

“I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand? Is Ani DiFranco going to be at the Super Bowl? Noooo. How about Rodney Carrington? Ain’t gonna happen. I think we deserve some answers, and I’m just the guy to ask the questions.”

“Do you think it’s going to be a better Super Bowl than last year’s?”

“Gotta be, man. You know, it was just about this time last year when they announced that both *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys were going to play last year’s Super Bowl. Heck, I thought for sure that it was a sign of things to come. That’s when I built my bomb shelter.”

“But which teams do you like, Dennis?”

“I like co-headlines myself, Fred. Like Elton John and Billy Joel, or packages like SnoCore Rock and the SnoCore Icicle Ball. Let me tell you, I’ve seen some snow storms in my day. Heck, there was this one weekend in Laurel Canyon… or was that 1969?”

“I mean football, Dennis. Which football teams to do you want to see play in this year’s Super Bowl?”

“Uh? Football? You mean there’s gonna be a game?”