“Howdy, Rush, I was hoping you could settle a little argument between me and the wife.”

“Shoot.”

“I’d like to, but the Dem’crats won’t let me.”

“Ha, ha. That’s a good one, Billy-Bob. Now, what’s the problem?”

“Me and the little lady are making our annual trip into town to get a new concrete slab for the front step. While we’re there, the wife wants me to buy tickets for Lee Rocker.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“It is because I want Robert Cray Band tickets.”

“You can’t afford both?”

“Not unless the guv’ment starts sending me two checks a month, I can’t.”

“I hear you, Billy-Bob, and I think I have a solution. Buy tickets for the first show, then auction them off on eBay.”

“Okay.”

“Then take the money you made from the auction and buy tickets to the second show.”

“And that will work?”

“Why not? It works for Congress. Our next caller is Jimmy-John from Leaky Spittoon, New Hampshire. Go ahead, Jimmy-John. You’re on the air with Rush Jimbo.”

“Howdy, Rush. I just bought tickets for U2, Eric Clapton and Bon Jovi.”

“At the same time? That must have cost you.”

“Nah, I just dipped into the kids’ junior high school education money. Like they even have a chance of getting in, you know? Anyway, my brother told me that George Dubya wants to give certain churches money to help the ticketless, and that would help lower prices for Duran Duran and Pork Tornado.”

“Your brother said that?”

“Either my brother or brother-in-law. Sometimes it’s tough keeping those bloodlines straight.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

“What’s your opinion on that, Rush? Tell us what we should think.”

“I don’t know if I like the idea of giving guv’ment handouts to all the different churches that just happen to sell concert tickets, Jimmy-John. I mean, some of them aren’t like the ones good people like you and I go to for tickets for John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers. Heck, some of them couldn’t handle a snake if it slithered up into their laps and bit ’em on the schnozola. Well, I see we have time for one more phone call. Elvis Pyle from Bug Splatt, Maine, you’re on the air.”

“I’ll bet you didn’t know that the roadies for Coldplay and KISS are part of the New World Order and are controlled by space aliens masquerading as employees of SFX.”

“Sorry, Elvis, but this is Rush Jimbo. You want the Art Bell-Boy Show. He’s up next.”