But we managed to talk Hugh Rodham into slipping the paperwork in between the pardons for Roger Clinton and Marc Rich. Make no mistake about it, Clinton signed it, making it the law of the land. At least until President Dubya gets around to reversing it.

That’s how Executive Order #398171 came into being, declaring March 1st, National Tour Date Day.

And what a day tomorrow will be! We’ll start with a parade in downtown Fresno on newly-renamed Itinerary Boulevard, where we’ll marvel at the floats for Luther Vandross, Warrant and that co-headline with The Black Crowes and Oasis made entirely out of recycled ticket stubs. You just can’t buy entertainment like this.

After the parade we’ll make a brief stop at the cemetery to honor our fallen comrades who have gone before us, those brave tour date gatherers that sacrificed life and limb for The Weakerthans, BS2000, and G. Love & Special Sauce. Legend has it many of them went mad, while for others it was simply a matter of being in the “wrong place at the wrong time.”

But it makes no difference whether our fallen comrades bought the stage during the inferno that was the closing moments of Woodstock III or if they just happened to find themselves between Robert Downey Jr. and his stash. They were true tour date pioneers and we will honor them with a moment of intermission and a 21 Guns N Roses salute.

Yes, National Tour Date Day is guaranteed to be bigger than Key A Booking Agent’s Car Day or Adopt A Promoter Day. It’s going to be Thanksgiving, Elton John’s Birthday, Mother’s Day and Neuter Your Pet Day all rolled into one. It’s going to be a day when everyone can forget their differences and come together to celebrate the joy and wonder that can be found in the individual show dates for John Waite and Robbie Fulks. It will be fabulous.

Of course, in keeping with a grand old concert industry tradition, everything mentioned above is tentative and subject to change without notice.