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Tours de Farce: Birth Of The Revolution
It’s a bright clear afternoon in May and the clock just struck thirteen. You pretend to wander down the street, but you actually have an objective, a destination, though you meander from shop to shop, giving the casual observer the impression of aimless travel. You don’t dare look over your shoulder, for that’s a sign of weakness. You shudder as you remember what they did to your predecessor.
At first you pass the vending machine, then pause as if you’re considering a refreshment. You reach into your pocket, pull out a handful of change and after inserting two 75 cent pieces in the slot, you press the buttons in the sequence you memorized the day before. Coke, Pepsi, Dew, Sprite, Coke. The machine whirs…
And out pop the tour schedules, including Sunny Day Real Estate, The Dandy Warhols and Staind with P.O.D.. You grab the itineraries and move on down the street. Ducking into a tavern you order a beer, and after sliding into the last booth at the end of the barroom, you casually study the routings.
There’s The Catherine Wheel in Chicago on June 30th. That’s good, you think to yourself. It means that the underground is still intact. Another routing shows Ultraspank in Syracuse in July. Right on schedule, you think as you leave the pub and head back out on the street.
“Silence is Entertainment,” screams the slogan from the poster on the wall of the corner building showing the ever-present image of the bald man in the expensive suit. Yes, Big Promoter is everywhere. He sees all and it’s a good bet that he’s watching you right now. Another slogan, this one at the bus shelter across the street reads, “The Service Charge is Your Friend.” You pretend not to take notice as you walk on by.
No one knows when the resistance started, nor do you know who your comrades are. However, each and every one of you who belong to the concert underground have one goal in mind; bringing independently promoted entertainment to the music-starved masses. Right now it’s just a few schedules, like Sister Hazel or BulletBoys, but soon the revolution will begin. Soon, humanity will be free from the corporate bonds of captivity.
Hoping to see the schedules for Mary Lou Lord and Kid Rock, you move onward towards the next itinerary drop, careful not to notice another Big Promoter poster watching your every move. As you pass the image on the wall, you silently say to the man depicted on the poster, “Soon. You’re time will come. Just you wait.”