It all started at a company BBQ a few weeks ago, when I met the head of the munitions dump, a pretty lady named Gigi, or Gig for short. Anyway, I was telling Gig about my duties entering dates for bands like Slayer or Hiroshima, and we got into a little tiff about who had the better job. I mean, I’m typing in dates for The Whitlams, U.D.O. and Canned Heat, and she tries to tell me that her job is more important just because she loads rifles and hands out grenades every day.

I wanted to show her what real power was like. I made up some fake events and posted them on the Website. I listed shows for places like the Hikawi Gaming Resort in Courage, South Dakota, and events like the Lycanthropy Benefit in Talbot, Michigan. Then I showed Gig the listings on Of course I didn’t list these figments of my imagination with any big acts like Melissa Etheridge and No Doubt. You don’t mess with artists and bands like that. Not if you know what’s good for you.

Even though the imaginary names were only on the Website for a few hours, my boss caught them and called me into her office. She pointed out people rely on for accurate information, and that I was betraying the public’s trust by inserting venues like Lecter’s Cooking Academy and Mooze & Skwirl Auditorium. Because she was so mad, I didn’t dare mention the band I created just for Gig, the Intergalactic Rock Allstars. Instead, I asked if she was going to fire me and she replied that washes its own dirty laundry. Then she asked me to extend my right hand as she pulled a hammer out of her desk drawer.

Even though the doctor said my fingers will heal soon after he removes the splints, Gig refuses to have anything to do with me. I told her that I did it for her. I said to her while I was entering dates for Rev. Billy C. Wirtz; “You don’t understand, Gig. Mania overcame me when I made up those names.”

I still don’t see what the problem is. After all, who would believe venues with names like Calvin & Hobbes University, or McHale’s Navy in Borgnine, Louisiana? You really gotta be a numbskull to fall for names like that.

As you can guess, that ended my relationship with Gig. Well, that’s the bad news. The good news is I’ve just been promoted to Data Quality Inspector. At least I think that’s the good news. Or maybe that’s the bad news. Sometimes I really can’t tell the difference.