“Yes, Diego, it is a good morning. A fine Havana morning. What news do you bring me today?”

“Our undercover operatives are all in place in the United States. We are ready to strike.”

“Including Agent Zero?”

“Especially Agent Zero. Everyone is ready. We await your command to launch our assault on the American economy.”

“I don’t know, Diego. I’m an old man. Maybe this is a job for a younger dictator.”

“But, Fidel, for years the Yankee imperialistic dogs have blocked you from the concerts you crave. The embargo has prevented you from seeing Red Hot Chili Peppers and Third Eye Blind.”

“I know, Diego.”

“I’ve seen you look at those pictures of No Doubt. I’ve seen you long for the Lady Gwen with the eyes of one who knows he cannot possess what his heart so dearly desires.”

“Si, the Anaheim Señorita. Her band, as well as Roger Waters and Kenny G, play freely in the United States for anyone who can afford the ticket. Yet, with all my wealth and power, I cannot even obtain an obstructed view seat behind the stage.”

“That will all change, Fidel. Once you give the command.”

“What is true power, Diego? An army? Your own torture chamber? I may rule, but I do not have tickets for KISS.”

“For months we have planned this operation. Please, give the command, Fidel.”

“You say everything is in place?”

“All agents are at their posts. Agent Zero is standing by.”

“My advisors?”

“All are in agreement. They say the plan cannot fail.”

“I don’t know, Diego. It’s a new world out there. Maybe there isn’t room in the 21st century for an aging Marxist despot such as myself.”

“Fidel, even as we speak, you’re missing an opportunity to see Don McLean and The Doobie Brothers. Shall I give the order?”

“And BulletBoys, The Mission U.K. and Ignite all have new dates. You are right, my friend. We’ve been shut out at the box office by our capitalistic neighbors far too long. Yes, Diego, give the order. Tell Agent Zero to start the mass distribution of illegal MP3 files on the Internet. Start with Metallica. That should teach that bourgeois pig, Lars, a lesson.”

“Immediately, El Commandante.”

“And Diego?”

“Yes, Fidel?”

“Send my best wishes to little Elian, er, I mean Agent Zero and his father.”

“As you wish, Fidel.”