Put ‘er there. Long time, no see, eh, old friend? Say, you wouldn’t have a few extra bucks now, would you? I promised the kids I’d take them to see The Ozzfest 2000, and I’m a little short on cash.

How long has it been since we’ve seen each other? What? When you lent me some money for Melissa Manchester? That sure was a great show. Did you know she’s coming back to town this summer? $100 ought to do it. Come on, be a pal. I saw all those twenties in your wallet.

Then there’s The Get Up Kids and Pitchshifter. Can’t miss those shows. My own money? You wouldn’t let something like money break up a beautiful friendship now, would you?

And don’t forget about Jimmy Buffett and Amazing Crowns playing the amphitheatre next month. Let’s see, I’ll need gas money, T-shirts, a little extra for the service charges. Uh? I’m gonna need a little more than that unless you want your good friend to sit in the cheap seats.

Oh, I almost forgot, I’m gonna need at least $75 to cover the tickets for Jimmy Page with The Black Crowes. You’re out of cash? That’s okay. Your credit card will do.

Better yet, why don’t you just give me your ATM card and ID number? I need to buy tickets for The Allman Brothers Band and Britney Spears today. I hope you have enough money in your checking account. On second thought, maybe you should give me your credit card and the ATM.

Well, gotta run. It’s been good talking to you. We should get together and do lunch sometime. By the way, I’ll need some change for the parking meter. Oh, I don’t know. Whatever you have in your pocket. Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back someday. After all…

I’m your friend.