As we prepare to celebrate this great nation’s 224 birthday, we can’t help but think about the really important things that make this country strong.

We’re talking, of course, about the tours.

For we hold these tours to be self-evident. That we are endowed by our promoters with the unalienable rights to buy tickets for Cinderella, REO Speedwagon and Willie Nelson.

As we contemplate the meaning of life, liberty and the pursuit of Britney Spears, our mind takes us back to childhood when we saw the country from the back of our parent’s ’59 Buick. Even then we realized that those fruited plains would soon be replaced by mighty amphitheatres, miles of parking, and gigantic neon signs proudly proclaiming The Ozzfest 2000.

We, the people, the proud concert-goers of America, march into the ticket outlets with our heads held high and our credit cards fully extended. We buy tickets for Dwight Yoakam and , thus fueling the economy and stoking the furnaces of prosperity. Good old Yankee ingenuity stands out in the bubbly effervescence of No Doubt, the poignant ponderings of Don Henley, and the moral musings of Eminem.

Our country’s tours of thee. Land of the free and home of The Beach Boys. Viva Christina Aguilera! Three cheers for the red, white and Blues Traveler!

And best of all, we have all these talented bands and solo artists willing to work on a holiday. Isn’t America wonderful?