“Is it true you never have a service charge?”

“Yes, sir! Everything is box office price at Sticky Tickets.”

“Great. I’d like tickets for The Nixons and BBMak.”

“Coming right up, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yes there is. My wife just left me for Hanson and I don’t have anything to do over Labor Day Weekend. Any suggestions?”

I still have some tickets for Red Hot Chili Peppers in Irvine and Ozzfest 2000 outside San Bernardino.”

“Hmmm. I’ll take one of each.”

“Very good, sir. By the way, we just received tickets for Mannheim Steamroller Christmas and Supersuckers.”

“Excellent. Just add them to the bill.”

“Yes, sir. Now if you’ll just sign here at the bottom.”

“Wait a minute. What’s this charge listed on the order? You said there weren’t any service charges.”

“That’s the support charge. You asked a few questions and I answered them. Two dollars each.”

“That’s ridiculous. You say you don’t have a service charge, yet you’re nickel and diming me for answering my questions. I suppose if I even mention Amy Rigby or Bettie Serveert you’re gonna charge me a buck per artist, right?”

“Oh, no.”

“That’s better.”

“Conversation fee is a flat fifty cents.”

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m going back to the other ticket service.”

“Maybe we can work something out. Let me look at that bill for a second, okay? There, I corrected the amount.”

“Uh? All you did was add another two dollar fee. What’s that for.”

“Surliness charge, sir. You raised your voice.”

“That does it. I’m out of here. Oh, wait a minute. Why’s the door locked?”

“You ordered tickets, but didn’t buy them. I’m afraid there’s a two percent restocking charge. You can’t leave until you pay up.”

“What? What kind of ticket service is this?”

“We’re Sticky Tickets, sir. We’re just trying to live up to our name.”

“And what does that mean?”

“We’ll always stick it to ya.”