“There’s nothing to worry about. Just have a seat on the couch and tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I keep having these dreams.”

“Oh?”

“In these dreams I’m at the neighborhood ticket outlet and they’ve announced all these shows.”

“Shows? Do you mean concerts?”

“Yes, Doctor, including Tracy Lawrence, Sam Bush and Warrant.”

“What’s so unusual about that?”

“I’m standing there naked.”

“So? A lot of people have dreams like that.”

“They do?”

“Oh, sure. Just last week I had a dream where I was in the front row for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, naked as the day I was born. Between you and me, I think Flea was a little jealous. Anyway, please continue.”

“Well, I’m standing at the counter and I order tickets for all these shows. Like Midget Hand Job Feat. Keith Morris in New York.”

“That sounds like a good one.”

“And Eddie Shaw & The Wolf Gang on December 21 in Chicago.”

“Excellent choice.”

“And I also ordered Tracy Lawrence, Motorhead and Dixie Chicks.”

“Let me guess what happened next. The clerk rings up the sale and you can’t pay the bill because you’re standing there naked and don’t have any place to carry your wallet.”

“You’re half right, Doctor. I am naked, but I don’t have to pay any bill. All the tickets are free.”

“Really? Hmmm.”

“So, what do you think, Doctor.”

“Clearly a case of ticket envy. Freud first described such a case in 1911.”

“Ticket envy? Is that serious?”

“Heavens no. Your mind is just enacting a scenario that your subconscious wishes would happen in real life. Happens to people every day. After all, who wouldn’t want free tickets for Warren Zevon or Dave Matthews Band? But I am curious about one thing.”

“What’s that, Doctor?”

“How much was the service charge?”

“Service charge? There wasn’t any service charge.”

“Hmmmm. Clearly delusional. You better lay down on the couch. I think you’re going to be here a long time.”