The first suggestion was to make it manditory for staff members to wear clean underwear every day of the week. This sparked a heated debate. Why don’t you look over the schedules for Barenaked Ladies and Evan Dando while we tell you about it.

At first, the vote was 231 to 229 with 32 abstaining. Clearly, not a two-thirds majority. By the way, here’s the latest update on Shane MacGowan & The Popes and 2 Skinnee J’s.

One of the abstaining voters, our box office editor, claimed that in order to wear clean underwear each day, he’d have to take Wednesdays off for laundry. We voted on allowing him to have one day off per week and the results were a dead heat. 246 for laundry, 246 against. While we were voting, we received the new schedule for Richard Marx .

When we deadlocked on laundry Wednesdays, our sales manager suggested that management should buy the box office editor an extra pair of underwear so he wouldn’t need a day off for laundry. 245 voted in favor of the idea while 246 were opposed. The webmaster abstained, saying she had to check on the Kasey Chambers itinerary.

At this point, the box office editor started complaining that everyone was picking on him, and that there were other staffers who didn’t wear clean underwear every day. He suggested a simple test to prove his theory. But first we had to post the dates for Elf Power and Wailing Souls.Then we all went out to the parking lot. When our editor-in-chief gave the signal, everyone threw their underwear against the security wall that circles the perimeter.

Final result? 463 pairs of skivvies stuck to the wall, while only one, the pair of Graceland souvenir boxer shorts that belonged to the box office editor, fell to the ground.

Obviously, the numbers didn’t add up. Where were the 27 missing pairs of undies? Could it be that … no. That’s just gross.

We’re going to have to put these service improvements on hold. Right now, we need to resolve some dress code issues.