“Son? Your mother and I have some bad news for you.”

“What is it, Dad?”

“They had to rush your Aunt Edna to the Mayo Clinic last night.”

“Oh, no. You don’t mean…”

“Yes, it’s her gall bladder. They have to realign it. Your mother and I are flying to Rochester today to show her some support and, if necessary, make the appropriate arrangements. We’ll be gone for two weeks.”

“Two whole weeks? That’s a long time. I’m really going to miss you two.”

“Your mother and I will miss you, too. But we all have to make some sacrifices. I’ve left some money on the kitchen table. You might want to catch a concert or two. Maybe 3 Doors Down or Crazy Town.”

“But it wouldn’t be the same without you and mom.”

“I know, but we’ll just have to work through this thing together. I’ve also left you our tickets for Papa Roach. And if the cash runs out, my ATM card is on the kitchen counter. The PIN is 7734, and you’ll find plenty of money in the checking account for Goudie, Loudon Wainwright III and Samiam.”

“Gee, I don’t know. I’ve never gone to a concert by myself.”

“That reminds me. The neighbor’s niece is in town for a visit. You know, the one who was a porn star until they found out she was underage? Why don’t you ask her to go with you? I’m sure she’d love to see a show. I hear she’s a big fan of Orgy.”

“Well, if you insist.”

“Oh, and if Ralph from the office comes looking for me, his birthday present is that bottle of 100-year-old Scotch in the liquor cabinet. You’ll find the key to the cabinet on my desk, next to my credit cards along with the keys to the Jag and our tickets for Unified Theory. You got that?”

“Money on the table for concerts. The ATM card is on the kitchen counter. Neighbor’s porn star niece. Liquor cabinet key, keys to the Jag. Credit cards. Scotch. Yeah, I think I’ve got it straight, but what about the computer? I don’t know your password.”

“It’s… Wait a minute. You’re not going to download some of those unauthorized MP3 song files I’ve been reading about, are you?”

“Well, maybe one or two. Perhaps Creed or The Corrs.”

“You know how I feel about stealing songs.”

“But, Dad…”

“If there’s one thing this family stands for, it’s the protection of copyright and intellectual property.”

“But… But…”

“No ‘buts.’ You listen to me, Mr. Shawn Fanning. Someday you’ll understand.”

“Gee, you never let me have any fun.”