We’ve been really lonely since you went away. We know you’re here to look up the latest dates for Richard Ashcroft and David Lindley. It’s a given that you don’t give a rat’s patootie about us as we slave behind the keyboard, punching in schedules for Mean Red Spiders, Mediaeval Baebes and The Young Gods, but we appreciate your company just the same.

Maybe it’s the alignment of the inner planets or perhaps it’s just our biorhythms, but lately it seems as if our coworkers have been ignoring us.

Or worse yet, turning against us.

We used to think it was our imagination. That after our morning routine of a couple of shots of Everclear backed with an orange juice chaser, we just didn’t feel ‘N Sync with everyone else in the office. Sure, they smile as we walk by, but we can hear The Whispers behind our backs. They’re saying we’ve lost touch with reality. They call us Wallflowers and claim that we spend all day in our office talking to the tour dates for Percy Sledge and The Wailers. Lately they’ve been crabbin’ that whenever they try to communicate with us, they can’t get a word in Edgewise.

They say “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” but they don’t know Jack and we’re far from dull. We lead an exciting life collecting dates for Hank Williams III, editing the schedule for 3 Doors Down and making venue changes for The Cult. This is the life we lead and we’re damn proud of it. And yes, we’re sure they’ll accuse us of having a Guttermouth for that last comment.

So we’re always happy to see you. We miss you when you go away, and we dance the happy dance when you come back. We know you understand us. We give you dates for the Levellers and you give us friendship and joy. It’s you that makes us feel loved, and together we will show the rest of them what we’re made of. They’ll rue the day they made fun of us. And soon they’ll discover why we call this month the November To Dismember.

In the meantime, have a nice weekend.