“Are you the entertainment reporter that wrote that piece of garbage about my artist?”

“It depends. Which story are you talking about?”

“You know the story. The one about that incident backstage during last spring’s show in Boston. As his manager, I want to know what gives you the right to print such trash?”

“Uh, freedom of speech?”

“Screw freedom of speech. Just because a member of his entourage got a little careless with his pocket knife and nicked the nose of one of the security guards, doesn’t mean you can write about it.”

“Pocket knife? He used a 12 inch switchblade. And he didn’t just nick the guard’s nose, he sliced his nostrils in half. Then he carved his initials on the guard’s forehead.”

“Irrelevant. I’ll bet you don’t write stuff like that about Eric Clapton or Gallagher.”

“Why? Who did they stab?”

“Don’t try to be funny. How do you think my artist feels when he reads crap like that story?”

“I don’t know. Probably not as bad as the guard.”

“Listen hear, pipsqueak. My artist is doing a string of shows this month, and your story has completely devastated him. You’re undermining his tour!”

“Wait a minute. Isn’t your artist the same guy who interrupted concerts by Galactic, Savage Garden and ‘N Sync by climbing up on stage naked?”


And at one of his concerts, didn’t he bring out two inflatable dolls made up to look like Bob Dylan and Britney Spears, and then mutilate them beyond recognition?”

“An artistic moment.”

“Your artist makes headlines everywhere he goes. He’s been arrested in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. Then there’s that gerbil incident in Seattle.”

“They were hamsters. And just because he’s a little outspoken, doesn’t mean you have to write about it.”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“When it comes to my artist, your job is to write what I tell you to write. You have no right…”

“Rights? You wanna talk about rights? What gives your artist the right to go on stage every night, preach anarchy and violence, and then have his goons beat up anyone who dares to get in his way?”

“I’d tell you, but you’re probably too stupid to understand.”

“Try me.”

“Why, he’s just exercising his freedom of speech.”