We’ve been quarantined in our offices at Pollstar.com since early this morning. That’s when a construction worker’s jackhammer shattered the FIFO itinerary pipeline leading to the concert search engines, resulting in the release of millions of unwashed, untested concert date fragments into our ventilation system.
The Pollstar.com building has been undergoing remodeling for quite some time. In fact, we’ve gotten used to the site of the construction workers as they dig, hammer and dynamite their way through the old concrete shielding that was originally constructed during the Insane Clown Posse scare of the 1950s. We’d become complacent. Worse yet, we had forgotten about the respiratory dangers that can result from inhaling microscopic itinerary particles.
Our first casualty occurred when our bookkeeper inhaled date frags for Dave Mason Band and blink-182 and had to be rushed to the hospital and placed on oxygen. The sight of her convulsing body, her face covered in angry red welts spelling out the routing for Slash’s Snakepit was enough to scare everyone back into their offices.
But she was one of the lucky ones. She got out.
So here we sit. And I don’t mind telling you we’re scared. Outside, the EPA has encased our building in a hermetically sealed plastic bubble in an effort to contain the contamination. At least the outside world is protected from breathing the schedule fumes for Toploader and Luther Vandross.
But here inside Pollstar.com we’re slowly running out of air. We’re shaking in fear as we contemplate what might happen next, our minds aghast at the possible lung damage that can result from inhaling date slivers and venue spores from Jeffrey Osborne, Neal McCoy and Queens Of The Stone Age. Our nerves are frayed, our tempers on edge, our patience is short. For if we don’t get some fresh air soon, there’s no telling what will happen. Confinement can do that to a person. As can asphyxiation.
Besides, if this crew misses their next smoke break, there’s gonna be hell to pay.