That’s right, we’re going to have to start charging you to view our tour data.

Put away that credit card, there’s no need to worry. We’re not going to nickel and dime you every time you want to look at the latest dates for The Wallflowers or Prince. Instead, we’re going to quietly track your use of and when we need a few extra dollars, say for a weekend in Tijuana, we’ll get in touch with you.

In other words, you don’t have to shell out cash for the latest tour dates for Wayne Newton, The Neville Brothers and Tony Orlando. We’re relying on the honor system to generate revenue. We honestly believe that you’re a decent, upstanding citizen, and when the time comes, you’ll be more than happy to pay your share.

We would also like to take this opportunity to introduce you to Bruno, the new head of our accounts receivable department. The important thing to remember is if Bruno comes to your house, you don’t want to stare at him. Try not to notice the sloping forehead. He’s very sensitive about that. And try not to look at his knuckles. Many people, upon their first meeting with Bruno, mistakenly believe he walks on his knuckles. Pure poppycock. He just has very long arms.

So go ahead and look up as many tour dates as you wish. Today we added new dates for Unified Theory and Richard Wood, plus we have a brand new itinerary for Baby Jason & The Spankers. And while you’re looking over all the new dates, including the new shows for Days Of The New and V.A.S.T., we’ll be taking a meeting with Bruno.

After all, someone has to peel all those bananas for him. It’s in his contract.