“I’m trying, Barney, but I never knew having a baby could be so tough. The pain is excruciating.”

“It’s almost over. Take a deep breath and… push!”

“God, this hurts. Talk to me, Barney. Tell me something to get my mind off the pain.”

“After our child is born we’ll go to all the concerts. Now, push!”

“All the shows, Barney? Even Vonda Shepard and Steve Earle?”

“All those and more, Blanche. Push!”

“What about Kansas?”

“I’ve already bought the tickets. We’ll see all your favorites, including Andrea Bocelli, 2 Skinnee J’s and Immolation. Push!”

“I’m pushing as hard as I can, but it just won’t budge.”

“Think about Lyle Lovett in Dallas. Think about those $175 VIP seats for Elton John and Billy Joel. Focus, Blanche. Focus on Sha Na Na and The Webb Brothers. Now, push!”

“But what about Backstreet Boys? What if we have twins? Will we still be able to afford a sitter for The Wallflowers?”

“Don’t you worry, Blanche. No matter how many kids we have, we’ll still see 3 Doors Down and Blue Oyster Cult. Now, push!”

“I can’t help but worry, Barney. I worry about missing The North Mississippi Allstars and Richard Elliot. I worry about walking in late on Nada Surf in New York. I worry about… Yeow! That hurts! How much longer?”

“It’s almost out, Honey. Just a few more…. That’s it. Now, take a deep breath and… push!”

“You’ll take me to all the shows? Even Bloodhound Gang?”

“Anything you want, Blanche. You name it, Unwritten Law or Bo Diddley, all you have to do is ask and I’ll buy the tickets. Now, push!”

“I’m pushing, I’m pushing. Lord, I wish this would end. When will this be over?”

“Soon, Blanche, but we’ll never make it to the hospital if we don’t get the car out of this snow drift. Now, push!”