“I was a pro hockey goalie for 15 years.”

“Really? Is that how you got that scar across your forehead?”

“Yep. Took 139 stitches after a Detroit Red Wing whacked me with his stick. Stitched it up, myself.”

“Uh, uh. What did you like best about being a hockey player?”

“Well, aside from all the free samples from the medical companies, you know, like aspirin, local anesthetics and suture thread, I think I liked the free concerts best.”

“I didn’t know hockey players got free tickets to concerts.”

“Oh, sure. Our home rink was a 20,000 seat venue, and we got comped to all the big shows. Mark Knopfler, A Perfect Circle, Elton John, you name the show and I was there. Unless I was in the hospital, of course.”

“Of course. Any special skills, Mr. Johnson?”

“I was the only NHL goalie that could stop a puck with his mouth. I guess you could say it was my specialty.”

“But didn’t that knock your teeth out?”

“Only the first time. Now I have a pair of titanium choppers. My teammates called me ‘Jaws.'”

“Er, yes. This job can be very stressful. How do you handle stress, Mr. Johnson?”

“There was that time when we were playing the Ducks. I got into an argument with one of their forwards about which Backstreet Boys CD was better, Black & Blue or Millennium.”

“What happened?”

“We started bickering about who was the better singer, A.J. or Howie D. Well, one thing led to another and before you knew it, I had him flat on his back on the ice and I was grinding my skate into his face.”

“You stepped on his face while he was down?”

“Right after I rammed the puck down his throat and bit off his nose.”

“Wasn’t that a little extreme?”

“Extreme? Heck no. Us hockey players take our music seriously. He’s lucky he didn’t dis All Saints or Westlife. I’d have been all over him like ugly on an ape.”

“Didn’t you get in trouble?”

“Eh, five minute penalty. That’s all.”

“It sounds like you’ve led an interesting life, Mr. Johnson.”

“I’ve had my moments. Do I qualify for the job?”

“Qualify? You did more than just qualify, Mr. Johnson. I think you’ll be perfect as our new booking agent.”