As you already know, this company will switch concert care providers, from Kaiser Wilhelm Permanente to House of Blues Cross, on January 1st, 2001. Several of you have expressed concerns regarding how this will effect your personal concert care. The following memo addresses those concerns.

Picking a concert: Under Kaiser Wilhelm, you were assigned concerts, perhaps Bon Jovi, Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Mark Knopfler. With HOB Cross, you’ll be able to pick your own shows, as long as they are on the approval list, such as Styx with REO Speedwagon, which is listed on page 7991 of your pamphlet. As with Kaiser Wilhelm, there will be a ten dollar co-pay for each ticket plus a deductible for the service charge. In an effort to keep insurance rates down, HOB Cross reserves the right to substitute generic cover bands in place of headline acts such as Sting and Andrea Bocelli, unless your doctor has written “Entertain as ordered,” on the prescription. This is listed on page 4912 of your pamphlet.

Groupie emergency coverage: If an emergency arises and you need to meet a headline act immediately (see examples Bloodhound Gang and KISS on page 7881 of your pamphlet), the ticket price, along with the service charge, is part of your deductible. However, if you end up spending the night, the charge will be refunded, approximately four to six weeks after filing.

Mental health coverage: As required by law, HOB Cross covers the following mental illnesses: Standing on the chair and screaming “Gloria” during Van Morrison ballads, singing “Your Song” louder than Elton John and yelling “where’s Slash?” at Axl Rose during Guns N Roses concerts. Depression brought on by cancelled shows, poor seats, or unannounced changes in the advertised lineup for the Jingle Ballers’ Jam, is not covered as explained on page 81,291 of your pamphlet.

We hope our new concert provider meets or exceeds all of your live music needs. For those of you who feel dissatisfied with our new plan, we’d like to remind you that employer-provided concert insurance is a privilege, not a right, and perhaps you’d be better off moving to Toronto and living under Canada’s socialistic concert care system.

Thank you and have a nice day.