“Hello, Dear. Did you get paid?”

“Uh, uh.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Come on, hand it over.”

“Uh, hand what over?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Give me your Christmas bonus.”

“But it’s my bonus. I should be able to spend it any way I want.”

“Look, we did this your way last year, and look where it got us. We must have missed at least a dozen good shows.”

“But we have bills to pay, like heating, water, lights and the AstroGlide delivery man.”

“And we have concert tickets to buy like Derek Trucks Band, Three Dog Night and Everlast. Now give me your bonus check and I’ll run down to TicketMaster and deposit it.”

“What about the car? Do you want me to miss a car payment?”

Listen, Honey. I don’t know how I can explain this any clearer. There are concerts out there. Tons and tons of shows with great artists like Kenny Neal and Joan Armatrading.”

“I know, but…”

“And then there’s the bands. Dismemberment Plan in January, O.C. Supertones in February and KISS in Japan in March.”

“But our property tax is due next month.”

“Do I have to mention the co-bills? What about Elton John / Billy Joel or Clutch / Corrosion Of Conformity? And you want to spend the money on property taxes? I don’t think so.”

But I had plans for this bonus. I was going to pay off our credit card balances and make payments on our second and third mortgages.”

“Third mortgage? I don’t remember a third mortgage.”

“Barbra Streisand.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“The thing is, we have all these bills and payment due dates. I was going to use this bonus to help balance our books.”

“Books? There are two SnoCore tours out there, SnoCore Icicle Ball and SnoCore Rock, and you’re worried about books?”

But what am I going to tell our creditors? That we spent the house payment on Berry Bogguss & Dean? What will I tell the repo man when he comes for the car? ‘I’m sorry we don’t have the payment, but we got really good seats for the Blue Collar Comedy Tour featuring Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall?’ What are we going to tell all these people when they come for their money?”

“That’s easy. Tell them the truth.”

“And that is?”

“It’s show time!”