“Shawn? Shawn Fanning?”


“This is Hilary Rosen of the Recording Industry Association of America.”

“Er, yes. How are you, Hilary?”

“Couldn’t be better. Listen, Shawn, I just wanted to call you about the lawsuit we’re pressing against your company on behalf of the major record labels.”

“Shouldn’t you be talking to our lawyers, Hilary?”

“Naw, I thought I should call you directly. Shawn, I’ll get right to the point. I’m thinking about dropping the copyright infringement suit for facilitating the unauthorized distribution of major label acts like R.E.M. and Beck.”


“That’s right, Shawn. If you and your 35 million users want to swap songs by Oasis and Wynonna, then who am I to argue?”

“That’s quite a surprise, Hilary.”

“And I talked to Lars, and he said he’d be more than willing to drop the band’s lawsuit against Napster.”


“In fact, all the major labels would like to give you their entire catalogs, including the collected works of Bob Dylan, Duran Duran and Guns N’ Roses, free of charge.”

“Wow! That’s great, Hilary.”

“And, Shawn?”


“Did I ever tell you how cute you look? I couldn’t take my eyes off of you during that press conference with BMG.”

“Uh, no…”

“Say, are you doing anything for New Year’s Eve? Maybe we could get together and do a little file swapping of our own. And… And…”

“Hilary? What’s that hissing sound in the background?”

“That? I’m at the dentist, Shawn. He’s gonna pull a tooth as soon as this gas takes effect.”

“Really? Uh, Hilary, how long have you been sucking down the nitrous?”

“Oh, since about 10 minutes before I called you. I told the doctor that gas never works for me and that he should use novocaine, but did he listen? You know, I think Napster is an adorable name. What do you think, Shawn? Shawn…?”