Okay, so we’re a day late, but we’ve been busy compiling this list of New Year’s resolutions for 2001. We honestly believe resolutions won’t be followed unless we make up a list and stick it on the fridge. After all, if you don’t announce these self-improvement promises to the world, you won’t have any incentive to become a better person.
Like number seven on this list; passing gas at Sting concerts. We know there was a time when anything short of a nuclear methane bomb would escape unnoticed at most shows, like Marilyn Manson or Insane Clown Posse, but those days are in the past. Most venues operate in a smoke-free environment, meaning there’s nothing to cover up a good healthy rip. Now that’s a resolution for the millennium.
Number three is a tough one; treating support acts with respect. No more walking in while they’re playing, no talking during the set and no heckling. Remember, all the big names, like Eric Clapton and Green Day started out as someone’s support act. In addition, when you think of it, that’s probably why ticket prices are so expensive. They’re getting back at you for throwing bottles at them when they opened for Styx twenty years ago.
Speaking of prices, number five on our list of resolutions has to do with service charges. Life ain’t a free ride, and it cost real money to maintain the state of the art ticket services we’ve come to know and love. From now on, no more whining about service charges for Dave Koz, Maceo Parker and Mother Hips. Besides, service charges are good for all of us. They teach us about life.
Of course, the number one resolution is to buy as many tickets as possible, and remember that a healthy economy starts with sold out concerts. Whether it’s Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Popa Chubby or Bob Dylan, buy a ticket and do your part for America.
Well, that’s our list of resolutions for 2001. Be sure to print this out and stick it on your refrigerator. Oh, and be sure to let us know how you make out.