“This pardon should make my brother happy. You know, John. It won’t be so bad being a private citizen again. I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of concerts, like Alabama and Vonda Shepard.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Who’s next on the list?”



“Susan McDougal. Whitewater, remember?”

“Oh, yes, Susan. Pardon.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Chelsea’s been telling me about O-Town and Death Cab For Cutie. Uh, who’s next?”

“Linda Sue Evans. Conspiracy to bomb the U.S. Capitol.”

“Another Susan? Oh, what the heck, pardon.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And we still have all those comps that Al never used. Like Confederate Railroad, Marshall Tucker Band and Union Underground. Who’s next?”

“Stern, sir.”

“Howard? Is he in trouble with the FCC again?”

“No, sir. Kalmen Stern. Convicted of stealing millions of dollars in federal grants and loans to finance a fictitious yeshiva in Brooklyn.”

“A what? No matter. Pardon. You know, U2 is touring this spring. Say, I’ll bet I can pull a few strings and meet Bono. Anyway, who’s next?”

“Marc Rich. Racketeering and tax evasion.”

“Oh, yeah, Denise’s ex-husband. Pardon. And I thought I might even go nightclubbing and see Cave Catt Sammy and Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe. It will be a lot easier now that I don’t have to buy tickets for all the Secret Service agents. Who’s next, John?”



“Bernie Miller, operator of Bernie’s Pay Thru The Nose Tickets. Convicted of scalping concert tickets for Sting and Eric Clapton at 1000 percent over the box office price.”

“Hmmm. I don’t know, John.”

“But, Mr. President, it was only a few tickets.”

“I know, John, but even I have to draw the line somewhere.”