“We’ve already conquered the teen world, now it’s time to take our concept to the next level. We have two networks interested in our proposed TV show, Baking The Band. Of course, now we need a new classic rock band, something the boomers can really relate to. Yes, Cynthia?

“I spent most of last week scouring unemployment offices and union halls, and I think I’ve found our cute one, Lou. He’s 49 years old, 240 pounds and his beer gut has more layers than Goodyear. He says Deep Purple and Thin Lizzy are his major influences.”

“Excellent. Sounds like he’ll win over those ladies in Arkansas. How’s the search going for the intellectual type? Harry?”

“We found this guy living with his mother in Fresno, Lou. He’s 44 years old, suffers from male pattern baldness, which he tries to hide by growing the sides long and combing them up until they meet in the middle. Says his major influences are Joe Walsh and AC/DC.”

“Great. He should get a rise from those librarians in New Jersey. Has anyone found an introspective, quiet type? Yes, Lucy?”

“Signed him up last night. He’s a former Hell’s Angel, and currently works as a bouncer at a bar in Pasadena. He only has five, maybe six original teeth and his major influences are The Moody Blues and Lynyrd Skynyrd.”

“He should make those Miami manicurists drool. But we need a goofy one. You know, for comic relief. Yes, Dave?”

“Way ahead of you, Lou. He’s 47 and works in a donut shop. His influences are Bryan Adams and BTO.”

“I don’t know, Dave. He doesn’t sound all that goofy to me.”

“He’s Canadian. Born and raised in Manitoba.”

“Perfect. Well, it looks like we have a band. I’ll call the networks and tell them we’re ready to accept offers. Cynthia, call SFX and tell them to start reserving venues. Harry, book some studio time. Robert, schedule a photo shoot.”


“Yes, Robert?”

“Do any of these people have any talent?”

“That’s a good question. Does anyone have an answer? Cynthia?”

“I don’t think any of them play any instruments. I don’t even think they can sing.”

“Let me get this straight. We have a new band where no one plays any instrument and we’re not even sure if anyone can carry a tune?

“I’m afraid so, Lou.”

“Sounds like business as usual to me. Now, who’s in charge of that senior citizen quartet, The Varicose Veins? Yes, Randy?”