“I just wanted to call and say how sorry I am about having to bow out of the tour last year. Me back? Oh, it’s still hurtin’. Yeah, that’s right, I can barely pick up me guitar, but don’t you worry, the doc says I’ll be in tip-top shape come next year.

“And I want to tell you that your band is the only band I ever want to play with. I told all those other bands, like Bon Jovi, AC/DC and New York Swing Trio, that Chris and his mates are the only band for me. Yeah, I can’t wait for next year. I even have a new version of “Kashmir” that I want to try out on you.

“Uh? What’s that? The Gallagher brothers? You mean those moptop wannabes? What about ’em? You’re going out with them this year? Come on, man, I thought you and the boys were going to wait for me.

“You know, Chris, I think I’m feeling much better now. Yes, my back is definitely improving. Say, I’ve got a smashing idea! Why don’t you put off this tour, and maybe I’ll be in shape to play by this Fall. What do you say, mate? We’ll show all those other bands like U2 and Weezer how it’s done. We’ll… What did you just say?

“Done deal? You’ve already signed the contracts? But this is Jimmy talking to you. Yeah? You just wait. I’ll find another band, maybe ‘N Sync or Backstreet Boys. We’ll blow you and that other band off the stage. That’s right, once you see me back in action you’ll wish you never heard of Ian and Joel, or Liam and Cole, or whatever their names are. You’ll come crawling back to me saying, ‘I’m sorry, Jimmy,’ and, ‘How can I make it up to you, Jimmy?’

“And I’ll just smile, sit back in me chair and make you eat Crow.