For who could ever forget Paul Revere’s brave ride through the streets of Boston crying out the schedules for Mark Lindsay and Gary Lewis & The Playboys, or George Washington sneaking his men across the Delaware in a successful attempt to be first in line for Pat Benatar tickets? Yes, the tours are as important to our history as surrendering is to France.

But it’s more than the head rush during the opening notes of a The Urge concert or the glandular stimulation experienced during Jimmy Buffett’s final encore of the evening. The tours represent the best of the best, a mighty industry dedicated to righteousness and morality. Our children look to the booking agents and personal managers representing Styx, Our Lady Peace and Charlotte Church for leadership and guidance. Not only do our little ones learn virtue from Cannibal Corpse’s road crew, but through its many acquisitions, mighty promoter SFX reminds us that we’re all brothers and sisters under the skin.

However, history is more than just a recitation of past dates, cities and venues. We are living in the Golden Age of touring, where Aphrodite and Asylum Street Spankers represent a new dawning for all of mankind, an exponential uplifting of the human condition. When we look to the schedule for Tool, we see the prosperity that is America and the abundance of spiritual health that shines from each and every one of its citizens. Here’s to MxPx! Viva la Dan Fogelberg! Go U.S.A.!

And when our day is done, we’ll settle back in our Lazy Boys and bask in the glow of a job well done. For if we can just bring you a new tour for Henry Rollins, or a few new dates for Ocean Colour Scene, we’ve done our jobs. We’ve helped you along in this thing called life and raised anew the glory of the promised land.

And then we’ll go out and flog a few Canadians. Just because we can.