And it’s all Tony and Rick’s fault.

You might remember last week when we told you that we added two men to our all-female tour date processing team, and how it upset the hormonal balance of the most beautiful tour researchers ever to dig up dates for Fugazi and The Dandy Warhols.

Little did we know that it could only get worse.

This week’s problems started when’s processing pit boss, Wendy, discovered that Carol was passing Rick dirty messages along with the dates for James Taylor. Talk about a woman scorned! Wendy was so incensed that she climbed up on her desk and launched herself across the room at Carol, catching her in a flying elbow drop that knocked the poor girl down to the floor.

Meanwhile, Jackie, who had been showing the guys how to operate the remote-control grips when it comes to handling the booking agents for Dido and Barenaked Ladies, learned that Colleen had been slipping Tony more than just the dates for Rodney Crowell. Working herself into a rage, she grabbed Colleen, threw her to the floor and slapped a figure four leg lock on her.

That’s when we realized that things were getting a tad out of hand.

But it was too late. A free-for-all had developed in the tour date processing ring, causing Carrie, who had already forgone the whipped cream in favor of WD 40 for her coffee break dalliances with Tony, to tag-team with Wendy against Carol and Colleen. While Carrie blinded the girls by throwing new dates for O.A.R. and Leon Russell in their faces, Wendy applied her patented double axe handle / breast smother body slam against the two ladies. Needless to say, the paramedics were not amused.

What to do? It was obvious that, with the ladies fighting amongst themselves, we’d hardly be able to process all the new tours like The Bouncing Souls and Abby Travis. However, after much consideration plus high-level staff meetings on the subject, we finally found a solution.

We got them signed with SFX. They’re going to package the ladies for half-time entertainment at XFL football games. And from what we can tell from the new football league’s ratings, our gals can only help.