Ian MacTavish, here. Roadie extraordinaire (retired), at your service.
I’m here with some of my roadie friends, including Six Finger Pete, who’s going out on a short run with Slipknot, One-Eyed Ethan, who’ll be working lights on Depeche Mode, and Stubbs Macky, who will be tuning guitars on that Girls’ Night Out tour featuring Reba McEntire and Martina McBride. We’d like to dedicate this next song to all the men in the audience who make decent livings yet insist on buying the cheapest tickets available. With apologies to Messrs. Lennon and McCartney, of course.
And a one, and a two, and a…
He’s a real Z row manSitting in his Z row landSharing all his Z row tixWith nobody
He’s never had a front row seatHe just sits in the back and beats his, er, feetHe never feels that encore heatZ row man’s as cheap as he can be
Z row man, please listenYou don’t know what you’re missin’From where you sit, the stage looks like a postage stamp
He’s a real Z row manIf he squint’s really hard he can see the bandHe never walks far to use the canZ row man’s as cheap as he can be
On behalf of all my roadie friends who will be working The Push Stars, Daryl Hall & John Oates and Clutch in the weeks ahead, we thank you and we hope we passed the audition.