“Red Alert! Ship approaching!”

“Captain! We’re being hailed!”

“On screen.”

“Unidentified ship. This is Captain Hilary Rosen of the Recording Industry Association of America. Our sensors indicate that you have our intellectual property, including Olivia Newton-John and ‘N Sync. Stand down and prepare to be boarded.”

“I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Captain Rosen. Our collection of holographic recordings constitutes ‘fair use.'”

“Fair use! I’ve got your fair use…. Right here!”

“Captain! She’s cut off communications. She’s energizing her weapons.”

“Screens up.”

“She’s firing!”

“Number One, just what are those weapons?”

“Analyzing now, Captain. They’re… They’re… Oh, my God, they’re lawyers, and lots of them.”

“Brace for impact!”

Captain’s log, supplemental. Our litigation screens could not withstand the legal assault. The RIAA’s lawyers attached themselves to our hull and proceeded to drain all of our capital investment crystals in exchange for the licensing fees that would permit us to transport the MP9 copies of Rod Stewart, James Taylor and Link 80 to our own era. Our energy depleted, our stocks delisted, we find ourselves aimlessly floating in space. However, my science officer thinks he has found a solution.

“We’re on impulse power, Captain, but according to my calculations we can re-energize our crystals by tapping into one of Earth’s energy grids.”

“And this will allow us to return to the future with our licensed copies of Reba McEntire and Slipknot?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then, make it so.”

“Captain?”

“Yes, Number One?”

“Aren’t you concerned that our actions may affect the future?”

“Nonsense, Number One. We’ll only tap into their power grid for a few seconds. Besides…”

“Besides what, Captain?”

“I’m sure California has plenty of power to spare.”