“Hi, Nancy. I’m a promoter in the Midwest, and I need to fill a few holes on my schedule.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I need an act for this little country bar.”

“How about Monte Montgomery?”

“Hmmm. That sounds good. What’s it going to cost me?”

“25.”

“I don’t know. 25,000 dollars is a bit more than my club budget will allow.”

“Oh, no. Not 25,000. I said 25. As in two tens and a five.”

“Such a deal. Send me the contract.”

“Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I need a couple acts to fill a 20,000 seat amphitheatre.”

“I can give you Widespread Panic for 500.”

“500,000 dollars?”

“No, 500 dollars.”

“That could do it. What else do you have?”

“Well, there’s Trey Anastasio. That could run you, lessee, maybe 700. Then there’s that Billy Gilman / Jessica Andrews co-headline, also 700.”

“I was thinking of U2.”

“That’s going to cost you. Starting price is 900.”

“That’s 900 dollars, right?”

“What did you think I said?”

“Nevermind. I’ll give you 500 for U2.”

“850.”

“675.”

“720, and I’ll throw in Jann Arden and The Offspring for dates to be announced later.”

“Sold! Fax me the contracts and I’ll sign them and send them back along with my deposit.”

“Thank you. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine, Nancy. This has been the most enjoyable experience I’ve ever had dealing with a booking agent. However, I am curious about one thing. Do you mind if I ask you why you’re selling the dates so cheaply?”

“Not at all. This is the Syd and Nancy Booking Agency. We’re a husband and wife talent company.”

“So?”

“Syd ran off with an Insane Clown Posse groupie last week. Then he called from Cabo Wabo, told me to book all the acts and send him half the money.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Business has been great. Now, would you like to hear about our Eric Clapton special? Buy two dates this week and I’ll toss in a Michael Jackson tribute concert at no additional charge.”

“I’ll take three dates. Gee, Nancy, you’re my heroine.”

“Watch it. I’m in no mood for puns.”