“Oh, wow! Someone threw out a perfectly good can of Red Bull. I’ll just shine it up a bit and… and… Who are you?”

“I am the Genie of the Red Bull. You have freed me from my bonds, little man. For that I grant you three wishes.”

“Three wishes? Let’s see… If I was still a dot-com millionaire, I’d be buying season tickets for the local amphitheatre’s summer season. I’d be entertaining all my clients with front row ducats for Radiohead, blink-182 and Phil Lesh & Friends. Yes, that’s what I want for my first wish. How about it?”

“Your wish is my command. Cast your eyes toward the sky and behold!”

Suddenly the sky is filled with tickets raining down upon the man. “This is fantastic,” cries the man. “There’s Staind in May and in July. More tickets than I could ever imagine!”

“You have two wishes left,” says the genie.”

“If I was still running my own Internet company, I’d hire some of the biggest acts to play at our company picnic. Yes! That’s what I want, a private performance from one of the biggest artists in the concert business, like U2 or Destiny’s Child. That’s my second wish!”

“Your wish is my command. Behold!”

The man’s attention is diverted by the sound of someone rising from behind the Dumpster. He turns away from the genie to see a lady climb up on top of the garbage and start gyrating wildly.

Madonna! Wow, Genie, how did you know she’s my favorite artist?”

“It comes with the territory, little man. You have one wish left. My advice to you is to choose it wisely.”

“One wish left. Hmmm. I got it! I donated a lot of money to the Gore campaign last year. However, even though he won the popular vote, he still lost the election. That’s it. I want Al Gore to be president.”

“That could be difficult, even for an all-powerful genie like myself. Your Supreme Court handed Mr. Bush the presidency. Plus, he has already completed his first 100 days. I’m afraid he’s in like Flynn. Best to wish for something else, little man.”

“Another wish? Gee, what should I wish for?” Hmmm… You know, Genie, all this litigation between the record labels and tech companies like Napster is getting me down. That’s it! I want a world where Napster and the record labels can work side by side. A world where I can trade all the songs I want by artists such as Willie Nelson, Eric Clapton and Dokken. Yes, that’s my final wish. I want a legal Napster.”


“Come on, Genie, what’s the hold up?”

“About that other wish.”


“I suppose you still want Lieberman in the VP slot, eh?”