While most were surprised by the resiliency of the German Deutsche Mark as it withstood last week’s canceling of Madonna’s Cologne shows, many claimed the Euro performed as expected when news of the disaster spread through the international trading markets. Of course, this caused many world bankers to shift gold and silver investments into Italian Lira and Isaac Hayes futurities in hopes of riding out the latest financial maelstrom.

Not to be outdone, U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan promised that the Fed would hold the line on ticket service fees for at least 60 days. That may be good news for the U.S. and Canada, but currency speculators are forecasting that this month’s Limp Bizkit Mexico City performances will not halt the latest decline of the Peso. Needless to say, those same economists are looking to presidents Bush and Fox for a free trade solution that will take into account the new dates for Elvin Bishop and Arab On Radar as well as the price of souvenir T-shirts at concerts held in border cities such as San Diego, Nogales and Laredo.

But do the latest fluctuations in the world monetary markets, coupled with the volatility of concert venue corporate naming rights, point to a future depression? Or will the announcements of new tours by REO Speedwagon, Ruben Blades and Kelly Joe Phelps help level the playing field when it comes to the trading of Dutch Guilders along with the French Franc and the Danish Kroner? Although no one is 100 percent certain, many feel that The 5th Dimension and The String Cheese Incident will not only influence today’s rate-of-exchange for both the Greek Drachma and the Algerian Dinar, but will also affect the price of hill seats for any amphitheatre named “Verizon” as well as the amount of beer consumed at future Jimmy Buffett concerts.

Regardless of what happens, we are reminded of the words of the reclusive economist, P.K. Floyd, who wrote in 1972 that not only is money the root of all evil, but “If you ask for a rise it’s no surprise they’re giving none away.”