The temperature is just above freezing, Russian maidens are stomping potatoes in the vodka pits and the polar bears have finally stopped feeding on city dwellers. Spring is definitely in the air in Siberia.

In hopes of attracting big name talent like The Cult or Jerry Seinfeld, entertainment trade organization, the Siberian United Concert Konzortium, has launched a public relations campaign emphasizing all that is good about our country. To minimize expenses, S.U.C.K.’s one page pamphlet includes the same winter picture of our beloved countryside reproduced several times and titled “The 12 Months Of Siberia.”

In other news, House Of Brrr! Productions announced that they are in discussions to bring Alabama Thunderpussy and Tool to Siberia to launch our summer season, tentatively scheduled to start August 8th. Borrowing a page from our illustrious space program, HOB reports that they will ink a deal as soon as they can find a Yankee rich guy who wants to be a concert promoter and whose credit is good enough to sign for the requisite crowd control equipment, including turnstiles, rubber hoses and Porta-Dungeons.

Internet song-swapping company, Swipeyerstuffster, has inked a deal with music security firm, Konzerts Grabem & Beatem, to have the latter conduct sonic fingerprinting on all Swipeyerstuffster users who may be trading in illicit songs by such artists as Staind or Papa Roach. As part of the deal, KGB will also conduct sonic DNA testing as well as the round-up and disposal of any users deemed to be undesirable copyright violators.

And we are proud to announce that Mr. and Mrs. Poorsonofavitches of Gulag Tonguefrozetosteel were the grand prize winners in TicketCossak’s Jazz & Heretics promotion, where contestants guessed at the number of acts, including Janet Jackson and matchbox twenty, that would refuse to play Siberia during the winter. As grand prize winners, the Poorsonofavitches will spend one week in our U.S. sister city, Fresno, California. Second prize winners, Mr. and Mrs. Starvinmarvinoff, will spend two weeks in Fresno.

And that’s all the music news worth reporting from Mother Russia. This is Siberian music reporter, Igor Petrov, signing off. Hasta la vista, baby.