We’re pulling babysitting duty today, minding our sister’s kid, little Samantha Francine Xavier. She’s six-years-old and wants to be in the concert industry when she grows up. “What story would you like to hear,” we ask her. “Snow White and the Seven Promoters?”

“I’ve already heard that one. “

“How about Goldilocks and the Three Booking Agents? You remember that one, don’t you? It ends with the agents fighting over who gets to book the Radiohead tour while Goldilocks is sound asleep in the junior agent’s bed.”

“That one’s too old. Tell me a new story, Uncle.”

“Let’s see,” we say to her as we try to think of a new yarn. “Once upon a time there was a poor promoter named Cinderella.”

“Cinderella? I like that name. Tell me more, Uncle.”

“Cinderella had two wicked stepsisters who were also promoters. And every time Cinderella tried to book a show, like Willie Nelson or Three Irish Tenors, those mean old stepsisters would outbid her for the acts every time.”

“That’s terrible! What happened next, Uncle?”

“The king issued a proclamation, saying that Simon Says, Nelly Furtado and St. Germain would be touring this summer, and that he was accepting bids from all the promoters in the kingdom.”

“Do you mean the highest bidder would get all the shows?”

“That’s right, Samantha, and poor Cinderella did not have enough cash to outbid her wicked stepsisters.”

“So what did she do?”

“Cinderella was panic stricken. It was anxiety-attack city. It looked like her stepsisters would get all the summer tours, including 98 Degrees and Rocket From The Crypt.”

“Then what happened, Uncle?”

“That’s when Cinderella’s fairy godmother stepped into the picture. She waved her magic wand over some worthless scraps of paper and…”

“Yes? What happened?”

“She turned the paper into valuable stock certificates, which Cinderella used as collateral to outbid her stepsisters as well as all the other promoters in the kingdom.”

“So she got the shows?”

“Oh, yes. Plus, all the other bands like Toadies and Quiet Riot, heard about Cinderella, and they wanted her to book shows for them too. Soon all the shows in the kingdom were booked by Cinderella.”

“That’s a good story, Uncle. But what happened to the wicked stepsisters?”

“Stepsisters?” we ask, realizing that we still need to tie up a few loose ends. “What about them?”

“Something must have happened to the stepsisters, Uncle. And what about the other promoters?”

“Well, when Cinderella became a rich, powerful promoter…”


“She had all the other promoters in the kingdom, including the wicked stepsisters, drawn and quartered then fed to a fire-eating dragon.”

“Oooh! That’s the best story yet, Uncle.”

“What? You mean you like that one?”

“Oh, sure. I just love happy endings.”