So, the Daily Planet wants to interview me, eh? Is it a big feature? Front page stuff?.

This is for the “Where Are They Now?” column.

No matter. Just as long as you spell the name right. That’s L O I S.

Got it. Let’s start with the events in 2001.

Those were the good old days. Of course, the Man of Steel and I were the hottest couple of Metropolis. We went to all the shows, like Madonna, Janet Jackson and Backstreet Boys.

Were you comped for the shows?

Free tickets? Nah. Supes always insisted on paying his own way. Wouldn’t accept any awards or payment for his services.

Sounds like a real boy scout.

As I was saying, Supes and I went to all the shows. But it was early in 2001 when he started acting strangely.

How so.

It started at the ticket outlet. Supes would never admit to it, but he hated standing in line. I remember him coming home after buying tickets for Social Distortion and Rod Stewart. He was laughing, saying that he used his super speed to jump right to the front of the line when the door opened.

What happened after that?

Then he started sneaking into shows. After all, how could anyone stop him? I remember him burrowing under the stadium gates for a *NSYNC show. He must have gotten his coordinates mixed up, because he burst through the stage floor just when Justin was launching into his second song. And then there was that X Ray vision of his. I swear he must have dragged me to at least 50 Britney Spears concerts.

When did the big problems start?

Let me see. . . It was around August of 2001 when he was served with the lawsuit from those folks that work for the record companies, the Recording Industry Attorneys of America, or something like that. They charged that he was bypassing royalty payments because he was using his super hearing to listen to shows by Jimmy Buffett, Eagle-Eye Cherry and Neil Diamond.

Did he lose the suit?

Big time. The lawyers kept him tied up in court for years. When the judgement came down, he squeezed a lump of coal into a diamond, used it to pay the penalties, and then took off for his Fortress Of Solitude, never to return again.

Do you miss him?

Yeah, I guess so. We sure had a lot of fun together, seeing Slipknot, Disturbed and Paul Anka.

Those sound like great times.

They were, but. . .

Yes?

Well. . . He may have been the Man of Steel. But he was also faster than a speeding bullet, If you know what I mean.