“I don’t know, George. Lately, it seems like life is getting me down. My breath stinks, my dog bit me, and this morning my wife ran away with the Ticketmaster clerk. I just don’t know how to face another day.”

“Cheer up, Bob. Things could be worse.”

“That’s easy for you to say. After all, the bank isn’t foreclosing on your home because you spent all of your mortgage money on tickets for Shaggy, The Samples and Natalie Merchant. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Here, Bob, you need this.”

“A book? My life is on the skids and you offer me a book?”

“But this isn’t just any book, Bob. This is the book. This is the Poor Promoter’s Almanac.”

“Uh? The Poor Promoter’s Almanac?”

“That’s right, Bob. First published in 1755 by Benjamin Franklin, the Poor Promoter’s Almanac has been dispensing wisdom, advice and tour itineraries to the concert professional for almost 250 years. Its well-worn edges and dog-eared pages is a common site at shows by Plug Spark Sanjay and Branford Marsalis. Chances are, wherever there’s a stage, a band and a corporate name on the box office, you’ll find a copy of the Poor Promoter’s Almanac.”

“But how is a book going to help me?”

“Well, for starters, read what it says on page 142.”

“Okay. Hmmm. ‘The service charge is God’s way of letting you know you have too much money.’ That’s… that’s so… so true!”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“And look on page 39. ‘When life hands you lemons, sell lemonade at ten dollars per cup.'”

“Definitely words to live by.”

“And on page 85; ‘The last may be first, but the first always get front row.’ And on page 271; ‘The support acts shall inherit the Earth.’ Gee, George, I feel better already.”

“Of course you do, Bob. The Poor Promoter’s Almanac has been guiding the careers of those in the live music industry for over two centuries. If it can help the folks that book Ani DiFranco, AfroMan and The Wailers, it can definitely help you.”

“George, I don’t know how to thank you. Already, I feel enlightened. You know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna march right down to the box office and buy tickets for 311 and A.F.I. Yes sir, the Poor Promoter’s Almanac has definitely made my day. I feel so alive, so… so… reborn!”

“It’s a great feeling, isn’t it Bob?”

“It sure is, George. But what about tomorrow when I’m feeling down in the dumps after blowing my food budget for the next two months on concert tickets?”

“Turn to page 572.”

“What was that? Page 572? Hmmm…”

“Do you see it?”

” Just a sec… ‘ Tomorrow’s another Britney Spears on-sale day.’ Gosh, I don’t know how I ever made it through life without this book! Thanks, George. I’m a new man!”

“Good. Now, about your breath…”