“Wait a minute, Dan, I’ve got one more joke to tell our viewers.”

“It will have to wait until next week, Dick. We’re all out of time.”

Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson were standing in the parking lot. It was raining and Britney had locked her keys in her Mercedes.”

“Wait a minute, Dick. Is this another diva joke?”

“You bet your sweet bippy it is, Dan. And it’s a good one. You see, Britney’s trying to unlock the door and Jessica’s telling her to hurry up because it’s a convertible and they need to put the roof back on before…”

“I’m sorry, Dick, but you can’t tell it.”

“Why not? We told the joke about U2 and the farmer’s daughter.”

“That was different. That joke was legal.”


“Federal law, Dick. During his last two years in office, President Clinton signed several executive orders outlawing diva jokes.”

“You don’t say!”

“I do say.”

“Are you telling me I can’t I can’t tell the joke about Madonna tap dancing?”

“If you mean the one about falling down the drain, the answer is no. That’s covered under executive order #310.”

“But I can tell the joke about Gallagher, the watermelon and the lonely widow?”

“Sure, Dick. And you can tell the joke about what kind of person hangs out with bands like The Samples, Styx and The Wailers.”

“But nobody likes drummer jokes, Dan. Our audience wants to hear diva jokes. Like the one about what happened when Stevie Nicks went ice fishing.”

“You mean where she gets hit by the zamboni? No can do. Executive order #7781.”

“Gosh, I guess Ol’ Bill had a soft spot for divas, eh.”

“Yes, but that’s not the adjective I would use. Tell you what, Dick. The government put out a complete list of diva executive orders. You can get it on CD ROM, but I think you’d rather have a hard copy.”

“Hard copy? Are you saying I don’t know how to operate a computer?”

“No, Dick, it’s just that…”

“I’ll have you know I’m a hi-tech kind of guy. I know all about computers.”

“So you’d like the list of diva executive orders on CD ROM?”

“CD ROMS are yesterday’s news, Dan. I’m much more modern than that.”

“You are?”

“Yes. I’d like the list on DiVaD.”

“Say goodnight, Dick.”

“Goodnight, Dick.”