“Hello? Oh, hi Dad.”

“Hello, Bobby, your mother just told me the news.”

“Oh, so she got my email.”

“Yes, and I must say we’re both very upset. What’s this about switching your major to pre-med?”

“Look, I know it must be a surprise.”

“Surprise? We’re shocked! We thought you always wanted to be a concert promoter.”

“That’s what you wanted, Dad, not me. My counselor says I would make a great doctor. And my Plastic Surgery 101 prof says I have the hands of a surgeon.”

“Bull! You have the hands of a man who was meant to count ticket receipts for Col. Parker. and Wilco. Who’s your counselor? What’s his number? I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind.”

“Awe, Dad, I don’t know what you have against medicine. It’s a well-respected and ethical profession.”

“You listen to me, young man. There is no profession more respectable and ethical than concert promotions. Besides, your mother and I didn’t send you to all those private schools to grow up to become a doctor. Remember when we sent you to that box office summer camp? Or how about all the times your mother drove you to your amphitheatre management lessons? Or that semester you spent interning with the tour accountants for Social Distortion and Nashville Pussy? For godsakes, where’s your pride, your sense of heritage? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“But, Dad, as a doctor I could do a lot of good. I could give something back to society.”

“Oh, like a promoter doesn’t do that? Look, Bobby, do you wanna hang around sick people all day? You wanna spend the rest of your life looking down strangers’ throats, listening to their lungs and telling them to turn and cough?”

“There’s more to being a doctor than that, Dad.”

“Yeah, right. Tell me this, young man, does a doctor ever present great shows like Jude or Dick Dale?”

“Well… No.”

“See what I mean? Look, Bobby, I know what you’re going through. In fact, when I was your age I thought about becoming a missionary and spending my life showing third world cultures how to practice crop rotation and purify drinking water. Thankfully I wised up in time and found something really rewarding like promoting shows by artists like Chris Whitley and bands like The Stereo.”

“Gee, Dad, when you put it in those terms.”

“See what I mean, Bobby? Now, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to sell all my medical textbooks and switch my major back to concert promotion.”

“That’s the boy I raised!”

“Oh, and Dad?”


“Thanks for calling. I don’t know what got into me.”

“That’s okay, Bobby. But you might want to hold on to your Plastic Surgery 101 textbook. Someday you just might book Michael Jackson, and you may need to make an onsite repair.”