However, there is a movement among some philosophical organizations stating that the roots of Janet’s (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty) “When We Oooo” clearly date back to the 18th century birth of British Empiricism and its central theme that all knowledge comes from experience. This is in direct conflict with the theory that all songs originate in the belly-button, an offshoot of Madonnaism, which was first introduced in the latter half of the 20th century.

But even when trying to differentiate between the two philosophies, experts are still divided. “They are forgetting the French and English interpretations of Enlightenment, which give precedent to sensation,” says Dr. R.U. Paul, of Oxford University. “It’s only when we try to extrapolate the influence of German Idealism and Mandy Moore’s Post Transcendentalism, that we run into trouble.”

Trouble indeed. Especially when one considers the cause and effect of *NSYNC’s Greek chorus, Bob Dylan’s Woody Guthrie-Minnesotian Medieval Philosophy and Village People’s “In The Navy.” This is especially noteworthy because of the west coast movement that claims that Ms. Spears cover of “Satisfaction,” along with Ms. Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation,” is nothing more than a contemporary retelling of basic Dadaist beliefs.

Of course, this is not the first time modern pop has suffered such a philosophical split. Many can still remember the academic arguments, first voiced in the mid 70s, over KISS’ “Rock And Roll All Night (And Party Every Day),” and its utopian message first voiced by Sir Thomas More in the early 16th century. A dispute that continues to this day, and exemplified by the collected works of Vanilla Ice.

Later this week: The controversial thesis that Rob Zombie’s “Scum Of The Earth” marks a departure from Alice Cooper Nihilism. Until then, keep on pondering.