But we’ve been working on a high-level project all weekend. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable and check out the dates for Social Distortion while we tell you about it?
At first we were going to categorize all the artists by specific genres like rock, country, rhythm & blues and miscellaneous, so that one could quickly look up dates for their favorite artist whether it be Alice Cooper, Willie Nelson, Ray Charles or Vanilla Ice. Sure, a lot of other Web sites do that, but we thought we could do it one better by not only grouping acts like Ancient Harmony and Slobberbone within their respective genres, but by the mood of the Pollstar.com user as well
For example, suppose you’re having one of “those” days. You lost your job, your spouse has left you and this morning you found a strange white powder all over the birthday card from your mother. Click on the button labeled “Loser” and you’ll be on your way to happy thoughts as soon as you see the dates for Barry Manilow fill your screen. Or if you’re in a Canadian state of mind, click on the button marked with the international donut sign for dates on Anne Murray, Barenaked Ladies and Bryan Adams, and soon you’ll be tagging every sentence with “Beauty, eh?”
We all agreed that categorizing our data by various moods was a good idea, so we put our noses to the proverbial grindstone and started tagging artists like BB King, Chris Whitley and David Lee Roth with moods like “Feelin’ Blue,” “Poetic Thoughts” and “Binge & Purge.” Everything was going well, we had filled the categories marked “Revenge” and “Manic Depressive,” and it looked as if we’d have the project finished ahead of schedule. That is, until we tried to come up with a list of artists for “Anger.”
One of our news reporters suggested that Slipknot would fit well under the “Anger” listing, but our box office editor disagreed, claiming that the band “wasn’t angry” enough and instead should be listed under “Mildly Ticked Off.” And to accentuate his point, he picked up the bust of Bill Bixby from our boss’s desk and threw it at the hapless news hound.
That’s when all hell broke loose. Our accountant wanted Britney Spears listed under “Obsession,” but one of the salesmen disagreed, and to prove his point, impaled the poor bean counter with his seven-foot-tall Britney cardboard cutout. You can guess what happened after that. Paperweights, whiskey bottles and KISS action figures flew through the air (only $16 dollars per at the Pollstar.com store). From all the mayhem in the office, one would have sworn we looked like a crowd exiting the theatre after a showing of Glitter.
But that’s all over now. The ambulances, paramedics and bomb squads have already come and gone. We’re ready to face another week of dates for Incubus and Gaza Strippers. And we’re also ready to move on to our next big project; combining dinner entrees with tour itineraries. Lessee, what kind of meat should we list with Ozzy Osbourne? Gosh, all this thinking is driving us batty.