“Oh, excuse me, but have you seen Lyle Lovett? Someone said he was supposed to be here and he’s one of my favorites and… and… Oh, my, I can’t believe it’s you. Boy, wait until I tell Hillary.

“I mean, after all these years we finally come face to face. Man, you really kept me in the hot seat. In fact, I’m still surprised I managed to finish my second term, what with your accusations and being impeached and all. But I gotta hand it to you. You were one tough s.o.b. You were relentless in your pursuit of my evil doings. I mean, my alleged evil doings. Ha, ha, ha. But that’s all in the past.

“Hey, you wanna hear a secret? You know all that stuff you accused me of? It’s true. That’s right. Every single rumor, innuendo and piece of gossip was totally accurate. Betcha never thought you’d hear me say that, eh? I was such a scoundrel. A real scamp.

“But you’ve only heard the half of it. You never got wind of those nights I was hanging backstage with System Of A Down or what happened at that party after the Genitorturers concert. You never heard anything about those nights, did you? Well, let me give you a hint. I inhaled.

“Yes, those were the good old days. Hey, you wanna hear something really juicy? Come closer, I’ll have to whisper it in your ear. Pssst…. Pssst… Vince Foster…… Hootie & The Blowfish…. Pssst… Pssst… Secrets to China… Monica…… JazzTrax Christmas Concert Tour… Sharon Stone… My saxophone… Melissa Etheridge… Britney Spears… That blonde at the Baskin-Robbins…

“Man, that felt good! I guess it’s true what they say, that confession is good for the soul. Well, gotta run. I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m late for a little rendezvous with Stevie Nicks. But you didn’t get that from me.

“Oh, and Rush? Sorry about the hearing thing.