We were kicking that question around the other day at our weekly tofu luncheon at the ACLU, when someone, we think he was from the NRA, accused us of being soft on concert cancellations. Before we could answer, that week’s chairman of the GOP chimed in, saying that the new tours, like the schedules for Linkin Park and Sean Costello, were prime examples of “service charge and spend, Concertcrats.” Not only were we starting to feel outnumbered, we were also beginning to worry about the whales.
To be honest, we never before considered the possibility that the new tours were leaning way too far to the left. We always thought of the new tours, like the latest routings for
“Typical Fresno bleeding-heart, knee-jerk tour date researchers” was what they called us in The Wall Street Journal. “Godless commie chronologically-obsessed concert pacifists” was what Rush labeled us shortly before he lost his hearing at a Creed show. And we only thought we were doing a public service by presenting new shows for Cowboy Mouth and Lil’ Ed & The Blues Imperials. Gosh, it’s enough to make one want to go out and hug the nearest tree.
But we’ve been accused of much worse. They say we’re guilty of spreading Hollywood’s leftist agenda by printing dates for Garnet Rogers and the new routings for Kudzu Kings and David Copperfield. They say that we’re promoting a “welfare” state with the listings for Jerry Seinfeld, Rodney Carrington and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. They claim, that by handing out free tour schedules on the Internet, people will no longer want to work, preferring instead to sit by their computers and wait for the new dates for Kelly Joe Phelps and Eric Sardinas to be handed to them on a silver platter. Some even go as far as to call us the “Alan Aldas” of tour date gatherers. Sheesh.
This isn’t the first time we’ve been tagged with a label that seems to sum up everything that is wrong with our society, but in the end signifies nothing. We’ve suffered the slings and arrows of schoolyard name-calling elevated to the level of faux political commentary before. So if the Phyllis Shaflys, the Jerry Falwells and the Matt Drudges of the world want to label us as left-wing pinko fellow travelers who are more interested in the latest dates for Confederate Railroad or Dianne Reeves than blindly supporting our duly-elected, Supreme Court-picked leader, that’s their business. They can call us what they want. We’ve heard it all before. “Sticks & stones” and all that crap.
But the “Alan Aldas” of tour date gatherers? That was totally uncalled for. Corporal Klinger, maybe, but Hawkeye? No way.