The time traveler blinked into our offices shortly after we had posted the latest Nelly Furtado schedule. “Quick,” she said, “you must list the new dates for Pet Shop Boys and Jimmy Rankin before the end of your day. The entire existence of the human race is in the balance.”

“What is it this time?” we asked. “Are we preventing global famine by posting these tours? Plague? Higher ticket prices?”

“By posting those dates,” she answered as she dug into her purse, “you’ll prevent the destruction of the Colossus of Graham in 2019.”

“The Colossus of… What?”

“Bill Graham. Oh, I forgot. “Your people won’t begin constructing the tribute to the legendary San Francisco-area concert promoter until 2011. While I think of it, you probably should add these dates for Jack Ingram, Cousteau and Andy Griggs as well.”

“Wait a minute,” we said as we looked over her new tour information. “There’s going to be a gigantic statue of Bill Graham?”

“Uh, uh,” she responded. “It stands over 2,000 feet tall and straddles the mouth of San Francisco Bay. One foot stands in Fisherman’s Wharf, the other in Sausalito. It’s quite inspiring. His arms are outstretched, with one hand holding tickets for Jimmy Buffett and Santana, while the other hand is clenched around a wad of cash. It’s one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern Concert World.”

“That’s fantastic!” we exclaimed. “You’re saying that we will eventually erect monuments to all the great men and women of the concert industry. What are some of the other wonders?’

“Well, there’s the Tomb of the Unknown Independent Promoter, which will be built in 2013. But I’ve already told you too much. If I reveal the entire future to you there may be a domino effect on upcoming events like the new Kottonmouth Kings tour.”

“If you can’t tell us everything about the future,” we said as she handed us routings for Jack Johnson and Mountain of Venus. “Can you at least give us a hint?”

“You mean, like the music piracy death squads of 2007?” she answered. “Or the RIAA Inquisition of 2009? No can do. Well, that’s all for now, I really should get back to the future. Oh, by the way, I also have a few more dates for Joanna Connor for you to post.”

“Sounds like music piracy is still a major issue in the future.”

“Eradication of the unauthorized duplication and distribution of hits by such artists as Clint Black and Creed will be the number one priority of President Ricky Martin’s first term,” she answered as she punched in the time travel coordinates into her PDA. “Led by the first Intellectual Property Czar, Lars Ulrich, it culminates in the life imprisonment of all MP3 enthusiasts.”

“That’s terrible! When does it, er, when will that happen?”

“2015, but it’s not nearly as bad as the great ticket scalper purge of 2017. That’s when Clear Channel Entertainment grabbed anyone caught reselling tickets at over 50 percent of the face value, and fed them to Amazon River piranhas. But that only lasted a year. Political pressure, you know.”

“That’s a relief. But who will stand up to Clear Channel? The ACLU?”

“The ACL what?” she said as the temporal portal opened up to whisk her back to the future. “Oh, I forgot. You still have those organizations in the early part of the 21st century. No, I’m afraid they won’t be around to prevent the promoter tribunals from taking the scalpers who resell tickets for Bob Dylan, The Moody Blues and Luther Vandross, and throwing them to the hungry little monsters.”

“But if social activist groups won’t protest the feeding of scalpers to piranhas, then who will?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” she said right before she vanished into the future. “The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.”