All the fashion experts agree that 2002 will be the year to stay at home and enjoy the peace and security that only a well-placed set of locks on the front door can bring. And if you’re like most people you’re probably thinking, “Sure, all that solitude sounds good, but what happens after I watch all the movies ever made, or at least the good ones? What happens after I read all the books, flip through all the magazines and squeeze all my Charmin? What happens next?”

Fortunately, our ace social researchers at foresaw this trend coming months ago, and we stocked up on great T-shirts, hats, sweatshirts and action figures. You’ll be the talk of the couch-potato set with your Bob Dylan shirt, the laziest Lazy Boy around with your Weezer jersey and the toast of the great slovenly way with your Beatles ball cap.

Just think of it! You’ll be lying flat on your back, laptop resting on your tummy, looking up dates for OKgo and Tommy James & The Shondells while wearing your very own ode to 70s progressive rock, the famous Yes “Dragonfly” T-shirt, featuring a creation by that renowned prog-rock album cover artist, Roger Dean. Those of you old enough to remember, probably think fondly upon those days when you sat in a dark, lava lamp-lit bedroom listening to Tales From Topographic Oceans and gazing blankly at all the Yes album covers while muttering that era’s mantra; “Heavy, man. Far out.” Now you can relive those glorious days of yore whenever you look down past your chin. Providing, of course, that you still can.

Yes, 2002 will be nothing but dates for Suzanne Vega, Rod Stewart and Showoff while you wage pitched battles between your Metallica and KISS action figures for control of Naval Lint Mountain. Order your favs today from the store and soon you could be dressed from head to waist in the finest concert memorabilia that money can buy. So grab that credit card, click on this link and spend, spend, spend! Soon, a great T-shirt, hat or something will be making that five-day overland journey to your front door.

That is, as soon as we can convince one of our staffers to get off their buns and make the trip down to the UPS station. Hmmm… Looks like we’ll have to threaten, bribe and force them out through the front door at gunpoint. Again.