“What’s too confusing, Lou?”

“The music industry, Bud. Everything keeps changing and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Get a grip, Lou. Here, blow into this paper bag.”

“Already tried that, Bud, but it didn’t help. I guess I’m just not cut out for change. It was tough enough when all the venues in Texas switched their names to Verizon, but now Bryan Adams has changed his name. Oh, Bud, I just don’t know if I can cope with this kind of thing anymore.”

“It’s not that bad, Lou. A lot of venues change their names and …. What did you say about Bryan Adams?”

“I was just looking at his tour routing on Pollstar.com. He changed his name. He dropped the ‘B’ off of Bryan.”

“Uh, Lou…”

“Oh, Bud, this changes everything. I haven’t been so confused since Elton John sang different lyrics to ‘Candle In The Wind.'”

“Lou!”

“What, Bud?”

“You got it all wrong, Lou. Bryan Adams didn’t change his name. You’re confusing him with Ryan Adams. You know, the former leader of Whiskeytown?”

“Bryan Adams was in Whiskeytown? Gosh, Bud, I didn’t know that.”

“No, Lou, I’m talking about Ryan Adams, not Bryan. Ryan was in Whiskeytown, but now he’s on his own. And doing quite well, I might add.”

“And I’m supposed to remember that? I’m telling you, Bud, there are just too many changes. If it’s not EMI Records making changes at the executive level, it’s Limp Bizkit switching guitarists. Somebody’s gotta do something before I go bonkers!”

“Easy, Lou.”

“And what’s with all these bands either changing or adding dates to their tour schedules, Bud? First, No Doubt is playing March 15th in Caracas, but now I see that’s changed to the 16th. Then there are new dates for John Hiatt and Charlie Mars Band. Now, how are we supposed to keep up with that, eh? No wonder the world is in such a mess.”

“Take it easy, Lou. Tell you what. I’ve got an extra ticket for Ron Jeremy’s S&M Sideshow. Why don’t you join me? That will take your mind off of all these changes.”

“But what will I do about Bryan Adams? How am I going to stay musically hip if I keep confusing Bryan Adams with Ryan Adams?”

“Don’t worry about it, Lou. It’s easier than you think.”

“Maybe for you, but you’re not trying to keep up on all the schedule changes for Christopher Cross, or which rock star is dating Pamela Anderson this year. Oh, this has all got to stop before I go and do something I’ll probably regret later.”

“Here, Lou. This should solve all your problems.”

“What’s that, Bud?”

“Here’s a picture of Bryan Adams. Now, here’s a picture of Ryan Adams. See the difference?”

“Uh… Oh, I get it now, Bud.”

“You do? Are you clear on this?”

“Like crystal, Bud. Bryan is the one who looks Canadian.”